When asked how I could be married for so long, 26 years now, my comment was this: It takes three things to stay married for a long time; affection, tolerance, and a touch of dementia! I wasn't joking really, though many have laughed at the statement. For me it is a truism. One must sometimes forget grievances. Doesn't matter if you were right (and you probably were) but sometimes you just have to let it go! Whatever it was. In the long run, life is how we muddle along with each other. Sometimes it's just a matter of 'shut up and keep me company'!
Which brings me to 'my spouse is my bff!' Really? Not mine. He knows a lot about me, he's lived with me forever, but he still sucks at painting fingernails and has no appreciation for browsing! My bff is a woman in Virginia named Rose, whose husband is called Earl on his bad days. Those are the days when I offer to help her get rid of Earl's body! I always tell her, 'I'll bring the shovel'. That is my acknowledgement that she has the right to be that angry, but really, it'll pass and we'll be glad her Earl is well and happy and has lived another day to annoy her.
Don't expect your spouse to be everything and everyone to you. Have your own activities, your own interests, and for pity's sake, let him have his! You'll both learn to appreciate each other more if you've some away time. That doesn't mean for years either! There are things that drew you together, and let us pray it was more than sex! Though sex sure can be fun too, eh? But it's not a good basis for a long term marriage, because eventually that may fade for health reasons. Does that mean you ditch your spouse? I sure hope not, because you could be the one with the health problem. Just remember that.
For our anniversary I gave my husband a card that said, 'I don't know how I put up with you'. On the inside it said, 'oh yeah, because you put up with me!'
So as I tell my daughter, for today, I am still married. As for tomorrow, who knows!
No comments:
Post a Comment